Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Thanks for the help, but...

  Tony and I have received so much help from so many people, and for that we are truly grateful.  So, why the crazy heading, right???  We know that it’s just instinctive for people to want to help out new parents, and it’s also instinctive for people to want to feel adequate and productive.  It has always been my personality to do things myself.  I enjoy staying busy, and as crazy as it sounds, a little stress caused by timelines and “too much to do” is what I thrive on.  Part of my identity, especially before Alivia was born, is being busy and having too much to do, but that’s how I operate.  (Don’t get me wrong.  Tony and I have plenty of down time and find ways to relax.)

   So, when people relentlessly insist on doing things for me or just take over and do them after I've already begun, it sometimes makes me feel inadequate.  This sounds horrible because I know their intentions are great, and it’s because they care.  Becoming a mom has totally changed my life, but I still want to hang onto the identity that I have always had.  I want and need to be able to do things for myself and my family.  It makes me feel purposeful and valuable as a mom, wife, and human.  I am not good as asking for help when I need it, but I have really tried to get better at this.  So, I will gladly accept help, but if I decline it’s because I really do enjoy doing whatever it is that I happen to be doing.  

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